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Cows Avoid Parkway Tolls, Man's ‘Authority Problem’ Doesn’t Impress Authorities

This week's crazy New Jersey police news includes runaway cows, a cash hiding place failure and a pair of boozy pants.

Each week, Patch combs through the more shocking, surprising and often absurd alleged criminal acts and police-related incidents that unfold throughout New Jersey. Here’s what went on this week for “OMGs from NJ PD.”

You Don’t Say … : Richard Vincenzi, you have the right to remain silent. We recommend exercising that right next time cops confront you about allegedly harassing a bouncer in Morristown. Unfortunately for Vincenzi, 24, he took another route, telling police That’s probably an understatement, considering Morristown Police had to resort to leg irons to get Vincenzi under control and under arrest.

Cattle Constitutional: Why did the cows cross the road? The bovines were unavailable for comment, but has a theory: “It was just some dopey cows that decided to go out for a walk.” Hey, give them some credit. The Homdel cow trio allowed themselves to be corralled before they got onto the parkway and were charged as toll scofflaws.

Jet Set Money Takes Flight: We’ll hand it to the burglars who broke into a Woodbridge condo — they’re thorough. The burglars managed to find a huge stash of . Points off, though, for missing another $600 hidden in a suit pocket. If the Woodbridge Police ever find the burglars, we gotta know: Why not just steal the suitcases too for a smooth getaway on wheels?

This Is a Nerf Stickup: Do you think it’s more embarrassing to walk away from a robbery without any cash or to the taunts of your victims when they realize ? You can ask Westville’s Joseph J. Paradise, 39, in about five years. That’s the sentence he’s facing for trying to rob a Deptford Wawa, only to have his toy gun give him away. The fake gun led to some very real charges and Paradise will learn his fate in October.

It Wasn’t (Hiccup) Me Driving: You know those moments when a flash of genius hits you and what looked like a bad situation is suddenly saved by your quick-thinking brilliance? Yeah, neither does Pamela Casiero, 26. Toms River Police say the 26-year-old from Lanoka Harbor crashed into another car while driving under the influence. She calmly waited at the scene for police — . Casiero reportedly told police someone else was driving the car. Unable to find the phantom chauffeur, police arrested Casiero.

Not Quite a Seamless Getaway: A Pennsylvania man pressed his luck one too many times when he by turning them into a hiding place for stolen hooch. It was 44-year-old Darryl Aikens’ second day in a row of alleged liquor stealing, the South Orange store owner told police. Next time, maybe he should try camouflage pants. Zing! Thank you folks, we’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

No Pictures, Please: No one likes red-light cameras, those pesky tattletales that get you if you misjudge a yellow light. But someone in Newark really, really doesn’t like them. two of the city’s cameras recently. But authorities are having trouble tracking down the suspect because any photographic evidence went kaput with the gunfire.

The Wet Nap Bandits: Maybe Albert Depaolo, 27, and Justin Searlesyoung, 19, just needed a ride to the store and wanted to leave the car they allegedly stole in tiptop shape. Maybe they’re extremely concerned about germs. Either way, of the stolen car landed them in a much grimier place: a jail cell. After a citizen spotted Depaolo and Searlesyoung suspiciously detailing the car at a Toms River Foodtown, a tip to police led to the pair’s arrest and the recovery of the car, reported stolen earlier.

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